How we park in KL

Calling all drivers in Kuala Lumpur! It’s time to return to driving school to learn about the many ways of parking you may not be aware of or simply missed while obtaining your driver’s licence. If you were to think that the traffic issues which KL road users face merely consist of inevitable congestions, damaged roads and horrific drivers’ etiquette, then you’ve got another think coming.

Illegal parking, in fact, isn’t a novel matter. It’s just that it is often neglected and viewed as a trivial one. It’s become such a prevalent and disregarded glitch within the KL traffic system you might receive confused stares if you pay your parking metre or ask for direction to a parking venue.

Why do people park illegally? It all boils down to two factors, namely, convenience and economic – that’s if you don’t get caught of course.

1. Say 'no' to signs

This class of parkers ignores all signs – let it be No Parking, Toll Zone or Pedestrian Crossing. Their defiance of road signs is apparent. “Hell with road signs,” you can almost hear them yell from their cars.

When you believe that you are entitled to park wherever you desire, the visibility and existence of road signs of any sort is immaterial. These parkers operate on the conception that: it’s only a violation of the traffic law if you get caught, summoned, or tolled.

2. Parallel Parker

Parallel Parkers are those who choose to leave their cars next to and, like its name suggests, in parallel with parked cars. Due to the unsurprisingly infuriating and bothersome nature of this style of parking, Parallel Parkers usually don’t leave their cars unattended for too long. And they’re often only running errands nearby, and ready to remove their vehicles as required.

Worse comes to worst, if the Parallel Parker is no where to be found, God may be kind to you and remove either the vehicle in front or behind of you for you to make your exit.

3. Pompous Parker

I consider this the most inconsiderate parking behaviour. A Pompous Parker will park directly behind you, depriving you your only passage of exit. The option of reversing your car to cause him some well-deserved damage is tempting, but unwise. It’s so because the possibility of escaping thereafter is infinitesimal and it’ll only be all so obvious as to who the perpetrator is.

So you are left with no other option but to write a polite note, attach it to its windshield and wait patiently for the return of its owner at a nearby Starbucks.

4. Path Climber

Cars should be able to remain on wherever and whatever they’re able to get themselves onto; so the Path Climbers claim. It creates minimal obstruction to other road users, but what about the pedestrians?

5. Semi-Path Climber

Semi-Path Climber – the close cousin, or should I say half cousin of Path Climber? Why go all the way in when it would suffice to go half the way? It’s fairer compared to Path Climber as it’s only half, and equally, as obstructive for both road users and pedestrians.

6. Bus Stopper

Bus Stoppers park where buses supposed to stop to embark and disembark passengers. Negatively affecting bus schedule, flow of traffic and the safety of the passengers are less of their concern. This suitably vacant space is just too inviting to reject.

7. Corner Stopper

Corner Stoppers are the most dangerous of them all. They not only unsafely hinder the sight of other drivers, but at the same time, also force them to move around the parked vehicles before making a turn. Considering the importance for drivers to maintain undisturbed visual sight at all time while driving, it’s no wonder why I label this – THE MOST DANGEROUS.

Ps. Talk about spending my free time more productively!